When no celebrities have died or been charged on a DUI, gossipers need to validate their readership with the illusion that something is actually going on. The common go-to solution? Kim Kardashian’s butt.
At a first glance, you might see this as a celebration of Kim K’s curvaceous derrière, but when The Superficial describes it as “a black hole for your eyes,” it’s difficult to decode the author’s intent.
TMZ is all over this story too. They even paid a video editor to splice together 84 seconds’ worth of cheap graphics, blurred footage, and brilliant soundbites like “Kim’s ass is huge” and “Oh wait, that’s Kourtney’s pregnant stomach; gross.” They might as well have given Kim’s butt its own jingle.
Actual quote: “They’re about the same size. Baby bump and butt.”
Sources: The Superficial, TMZ
Not to be outdone by the likes of TMZ, MSN proved with its own in-depth slideshow that no, in fact, celebrities are too skinny.
When Nicole Richie gained 5 pounds, the same media said she looked healthier. Because healthy is skinny.
MSN actually called Miz Richie “one of the world’s most food-phobic celebs.” Which begs the question, who’s in that Top 5?
Photo: Snapper Media
Ever notice how women and men in classic paintings were a little rotund? That’s because they were rich enough to hire an artist to paint their portrait. Money also meant you could eat. And eating was the kind of thing that caused paupers to covet their neighbours.
Leave it to TMZ to devote a whole slideshow to celebrities who finally made enough money to eat three square meals a day.
TMZ wasn’t the only media outlet to treat celebrity weight gain with such finesse. Us magazine also jumped on board with a slightly different angle. It looked like they were on the celebrities’ side, too, until they picked the most unappealing photos for their slideshow.
Same shit, slightly shittier?
Sources: TMZ, Us Magazine
Photos: Getty, Wire Image