Tag Archives: The Superficial

Slow News Day: Kim Kardashian Edition

3 Apr

When no celebrities have died or been charged on a DUI, gossipers need to validate their readership with the illusion that something is actually going on. The common go-to solution? Kim Kardashian’s butt.

At a first glance, you might see this as a celebration of Kim K’s curvaceous derrière, but when The Superficial describes it as “a black hole for your eyes,” it’s difficult to decode the author’s intent.

TMZ is all over this story too. They even paid a video editor to splice together 84 seconds’ worth of cheap graphics, blurred footage, and brilliant soundbites like “Kim’s ass is huge” and “Oh wait, that’s Kourtney’s pregnant stomach; gross.” They might as well have given Kim’s butt its own jingle.

Actual quote: “They’re about the same size. Baby bump and butt.”

Sources: The Superficial, TMZ

Photo: Flynet

Stripes & Christina Aguilera: The Untold Story

2 Apr

It’s a good thing the blog this comes from is called The Superficial, otherwise there might be some confusion.

I can’t tell which is worse: That this piece commends Aguilera for wearing horizontal stripes now that she’s “noticeably smaller,” or that her weight gain causes Adam Levine to sleep “in fear each night that he’ll wake up discovering a new definition of pain and suffering as he’s slowly digested over thousands of years.” Regardless of her weight, one commenter still finds her “porkable.”

The Superficial likes to cover this kind of story from every angle, so they made sure the slideshow featured 22 whole photos of Aguilera’s striped dress.

Because at the end of the day, how dare she?

Source: The Superficial

Photo: Getty Images