Tag Archives: Flynet

“Chubby Cheeks” Cole-No-More

9 Apr

Since Cheryl dropped the “Cole” from her name and officially declared independence, the English tabs have been waiting for her to mess up. The Daily Mail thinks they nabbed her with a photo taken from a strange angle, which suggests she has a “rounder face.”

The headline also promises a “fuller figure,” but that comes into question when you actually take a look at the photos.

Either I’m too far-sighted to see the difference between the “before” and “after” shots, or writer Simon Neville’s standards for skinny are extraordinarily high.

This is what Cheryl looks like when she gives fat face.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Simon Neville

Photos: Xposure Photos, Flynet Pictures

Advertisements

Happy Easter! While You Were Hunting Chocolate…

8 Apr

Forgive the two-day hiatus. We don’t observe Easter at The Scrawn, but we’ll sure as hell take the days off.

This weekend, repeat offender Daily Mail did what it does best: remind you that you cannot afford a personal trainer. Splashed across its homepage are various headlines accompanied by pictures of women in bikinis. The Daily Mail writers had to put in a double-shift to make these pieces came across as legitimate news stories.

Here, the Daily Mail reports on model Kate Upton’s provocative bunny video for The Love Magazine.

When Brooklyn Decker revealed the details of her romance with husband Andy Roddick, the Daily Mail drew us in with this picture.

Apparently, when successful film producer Rita Rusic sports a bikini in Miami Beach, it’s for the sole purpose of pleasing her much younger fiancé. Quoth the Daily Mail: “She showed off an enviable figure for her age…”


Jennifer Ellison: glamour model, Dancing on Ice contestant, and, because the Daily Mail won’t let it die, mother of two.

And finally, the Daily Mail snagged as many production stills as it could from Nicki Minaj’s latest video. Most notable among them was the one where she wears next to nothing while her collaborator, rapper 2 Chainz, remains fully clothed.

Photos: The Love Magazine, Optic Photos, Flynet Pictures, Xposure Photos, Universal Music

Post-Paparazzi Dieting

3 Apr

Leave it to the UK’s Daily Mail to reliably report on an inexperienced TV star’s weight struggles. Insisting she’s only a size 12 (and looking perfectly good, at that), The Only Way Is Essex‘s Lauren Goodger has revealed plans to go on a drastic diet after uncomplimentary photos of her holiday in some sunny location surfaced.

Goodger has said she’s considering the Cambridge Weight Plan, a crash diet that induces rapid weight loss because of extremely low-calorie intake.

In other words, she’ll gain it all back once she’s reached her “photogenic” weight.

Source: Daily Mail

Author: J J Anisiobi

Photo: Flynet

Slow News Day: Kim Kardashian Edition

3 Apr

When no celebrities have died or been charged on a DUI, gossipers need to validate their readership with the illusion that something is actually going on. The common go-to solution? Kim Kardashian’s butt.

At a first glance, you might see this as a celebration of Kim K’s curvaceous derrière, but when The Superficial describes it as “a black hole for your eyes,” it’s difficult to decode the author’s intent.

TMZ is all over this story too. They even paid a video editor to splice together 84 seconds’ worth of cheap graphics, blurred footage, and brilliant soundbites like “Kim’s ass is huge” and “Oh wait, that’s Kourtney’s pregnant stomach; gross.” They might as well have given Kim’s butt its own jingle.

Actual quote: “They’re about the same size. Baby bump and butt.”

Sources: The Superficial, TMZ

Photo: Flynet