Tag Archives: Daily Mail

Eat Christina’s Short Shorts

10 May

The Daily Mail isn’t in the business of giving Christina Aguilera a break. Thankfully, The Scrawn won’t let the Daily Mail’s irresponsible reporting go unnoticed.

Here, the rag proves that it can’t make up its mind when it comes to women’s bodies. What’s the difference between “flaunting your curves” and “making a spectacle of yourself?” Apparently, the mean is Christina.

Source: Daily Mail

Photo: NBC

The Threshold on Curves

14 Apr

Let’s get something straight. The Daily Mail “likes” “curves” (wrap your mind around those quotation marks). But there’s a bloody limit! How dare actress Natalie Cassidy wear form-fitting “skinny” jeans that aren’t black?

To be perfectly fair, the Daily Mail doesn’t actually call her “fat.” But they strongly imply it by saying that Cassidy “squeezes herself into a pair of tight-fighting bottoms,” that they accentuate her “larger bottom,” and that her “ill-advised” jeans did “little to complement her figure.”

Their advice to Cassidy? “Natalie should have attempted to dress up her figure a little.” In other words, wear a potato sack until she’s presentable.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Daily Mail Reporter

Photo: Splash News

Why People *Really* Watch DWTS

10 Apr

Those who do well on Dancing with the Stars aren’t the people who are light on their feet. They’re the ones whose weight loss we can document over the weeks of the competition. Think Kirstie Alley, Kelly Osbourne and Marie Osmond. That’s why we really tune in.

The Daily Mail is no different from anyone else. Or rather, they encourage everyone else to tune in for the weight loss. In this story, they report on contestant Katherine Jenkins’ drastic slim-down. She’s apparently lost about 15 lbs, even though she had a perfectly lovely shape to begin with.

Because the mezzo soprano is a sensible gal, she says she hopes not to lose more.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Emily Sheridan

Photos: Xposure Photos

“Chubby Cheeks” Cole-No-More

9 Apr

Since Cheryl dropped the “Cole” from her name and officially declared independence, the English tabs have been waiting for her to mess up. The Daily Mail thinks they nabbed her with a photo taken from a strange angle, which suggests she has a “rounder face.”

The headline also promises a “fuller figure,” but that comes into question when you actually take a look at the photos.

Either I’m too far-sighted to see the difference between the “before” and “after” shots, or writer Simon Neville’s standards for skinny are extraordinarily high.

This is what Cheryl looks like when she gives fat face.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Simon Neville

Photos: Xposure Photos, Flynet Pictures

Happy Easter! While You Were Hunting Chocolate…

8 Apr

Forgive the two-day hiatus. We don’t observe Easter at The Scrawn, but we’ll sure as hell take the days off.

This weekend, repeat offender Daily Mail did what it does best: remind you that you cannot afford a personal trainer. Splashed across its homepage are various headlines accompanied by pictures of women in bikinis. The Daily Mail writers had to put in a double-shift to make these pieces came across as legitimate news stories.

Here, the Daily Mail reports on model Kate Upton’s provocative bunny video for The Love Magazine.

When Brooklyn Decker revealed the details of her romance with husband Andy Roddick, the Daily Mail drew us in with this picture.

Apparently, when successful film producer Rita Rusic sports a bikini in Miami Beach, it’s for the sole purpose of pleasing her much younger fiancé. Quoth the Daily Mail: “She showed off an enviable figure for her age…”


Jennifer Ellison: glamour model, Dancing on Ice contestant, and, because the Daily Mail won’t let it die, mother of two.

And finally, the Daily Mail snagged as many production stills as it could from Nicki Minaj’s latest video. Most notable among them was the one where she wears next to nothing while her collaborator, rapper 2 Chainz, remains fully clothed.

Photos: The Love Magazine, Optic Photos, Flynet Pictures, Xposure Photos, Universal Music

Keira Knightley Covers Up for Media

5 Apr

Probably because she was sick of being called “too thin,” Keira Knightley showed up at a London restaurant channelling the Olson twins.

The Daily Mail hired two whole journalists to cover this outrageous stunt in a 400-word rant. It can be more or less summed up with: “Aw, come on!”

Source: Daily Mail

Writers: Sara Nathan, Kirsty McCormack

Photo: Big Pictures Photo

Christina Aguilera Doesn’t Go To Restaurants Naked

4 Apr

Perhaps to make sure Christina Aguilera is not straying from her quest to please the media with an acceptable body, the Daily Mail followed her to a restaurant. There, they noted, she not only ate real food, she also wore a dress that suited her shapely physique.

Because it’s astonishing that a fatty can look good in clothing, critical reporter Andrea Magrath made it a point to demonstrate that Aguilera’s frock “was more alluring than it seemed at first glance.” Adding that, “the two-tone dress created a flattering silhouette for the curvy star.”

Keeping track of Aguilera’s progress, the Daily Mail duly posted pictures that clearly mark the singer’s weight loss. Indictment or encouragement? History will decide.

Source: Daily Mail

Author: Andrea Magrath

Photos: Splash News, Xposure Photos

***

UPDATE: It seems the Daily Mail weren’t the only ones stalking Christina. Cele|Bitchy were also on the scene and dug a little deeper into the story:

“…Christina is looking SO MUCH better, right? She’s lost a little weight, she bought a new dress that fits (sort of), she decided to wear some ‘foundation garments’ (Spanx), and her hair and makeup is notably improved. Of course, her boobs are still kind of out of control, but isn’t it nice to see them harnessed in and supported? Is this the start of a whole new Christina? I will be very happy if her days as a hot mess are over.”

Post-Paparazzi Dieting

3 Apr

Leave it to the UK’s Daily Mail to reliably report on an inexperienced TV star’s weight struggles. Insisting she’s only a size 12 (and looking perfectly good, at that), The Only Way Is Essex‘s Lauren Goodger has revealed plans to go on a drastic diet after uncomplimentary photos of her holiday in some sunny location surfaced.

Goodger has said she’s considering the Cambridge Weight Plan, a crash diet that induces rapid weight loss because of extremely low-calorie intake.

In other words, she’ll gain it all back once she’s reached her “photogenic” weight.

Source: Daily Mail

Author: J J Anisiobi

Photo: Flynet

Hilary Duff Is “Struggling”

2 Apr

A mere two weeks after Hilary Duff gave birth to son Luca, the Daily Mail is reporting that getting back into shape isn’t as easy for the Disney star. Their piece is backed up by Duff’s tweet, declaring “20 minutes on the elliptical seems like an eternity!!! What the hell…”

Daily Mail, I don't get it: Are you trying to encourage Hilary or put her down by posting these photos?

In earlier Tweets, when a follower had complimented her post-baby look, Duff replied, “You should have seen what I looked like last week…Eek surprised I still have a husband!! It was time to throw them heels on 😉 guurl.”

Hilary, guurl, it’s only been 2 weeks. You should give yourself a break even if Hollywood won’t.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Laura Schreffler

Photo: INF photo

Pot Calls Kettle Black: Jordan vs. Posh

1 Apr

When former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham told Harper’s Bazaar that she “stands for the general public” when it comes to her fashion sense, glamour model Katie “Everywoman” Price called her delusional.

“And if she had read the papers this week she would know that the general public like eating pasties and the average British woman is a size 16,” Price said. “They can’t afford Posh’s £1,000 dresses let alone fit into them.”

They're just like us, these ladies. See that hand bag? You can get one too if you use The Secret's visualization techniques.

You know what else average women can’t afford, Katie? Multiple breast enhancements, rhinoplasty, lip injections, 5 nannies, 2 personal trainers and replacing their $5,000 hair extensions with more $5,000 hair extensions.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Kimberly Dadds

Photos: Big Pictures Photo, Flynet Pictures