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Mariah Can’t Catch a Break

4 Jul

Perez Hilton, who took a vow to stop bullying celebrities on his site, hasn’t always been kind to Mariah Carey. For the most part, he’s poked fun at her weight. While I applaud his general consistency with his anti-bullying project, he’s not doing Mariah any favours with this piece.

What he implies is that Mariah looks spectacular *because* she’s slim. I was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt until I read the first line of the post, which goes “Mimi’s got curves in all the right places!”

My question is, where are the right places for curves? Would my ass fat be more acceptable and attractive if it ended up in, like, my shoulders or my calves? Where should my curves go?

In a recent article for the Huffington Post, Yashar Ali argued that complimenting someone on their weight loss is a double-edged sword. In one example, he explains how a friend who had lost weight was suddenly being told how beautiful she looked. “Was I just a disgusting pig before? Now I’m worthy of validation?” she said.

I’ve often felt the same way when people have applauded my weight loss. “Are you saying I was too fat before?” I’d often ask. One family member responded, “of course not. I just want you to be healthy.” But even at my heaviest, I assure all readers of The Scrawn that no doctor would have told me that I was at risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, or any illness usually tied to obesity. The fact is, I wasn’t obese, I was just not as skinny as your average celebrity. Otherwise, I eat plenty of vegetables, I prefer complex carbohydrates, and my proteins often consist of white meat, fish or beans. Chips, chocolate and general junk food? You won’t find them in the house. At my heaviest, I was never unhealthy.

What does a healthy body look like? A lot of things, many of which might surprise you. On the other hand, there’s only one ideal body, and it isn’t always healthy.

Source: Coco Perez

Photo: Getty Images

What Scarlett Ate

4 Jul

At a London press conference for the movie The Avengers, a reporter asked Robert Downey Jr. a drawn-out, thoughtful question about his character Tony Stark’s growth over 3 movies, then followed up with a question to Scarlett Johansson about what she ate to get into shape for her role as the Black Widow. Not missing a beat, Downey Jr. said, “If I’ve learned anything, it’s that people are much more interested in your second question to Scarlett than any answer I can give.”

He then turned to Scarlett and let her take the floor. Her response: “I was just going to say that very thing, it’s so funny. How come you get, like, the really interesting existential question and I get the, like, rabbit food question.” Most who reported on this stopped there, but Johansson’s answer continued. “I don’t know. Yes, surely. When you’re training and doing all that stunt work, you eat a lot of green things.” She then pushed the microphone forward and sat back, looking well peeved.

 

Johansson’s reaction got lauded by various reporters, but true to form, several other news outlets used well-timed selective hearing to make it sound as though she had revealed a remarkable diet secret.

Metro UK reported that she “joked” about eating rabbit food, without getting into who the joke was on or why it was a joke. Zeenews‘s headline reads that Johansson “credits rabbit food for ‘sexy body.'” And the Sydney Morning Herald called it her “catsuit diet,” quoting part of her response, but leaving out the bit where Johansson called out the journalist for asking Downey Jr. a better question.

Thankfully, this is the Internet, so by now, most people know what a poor reporting job these other news outlets did.

There’s also an unsung hero in this story, and it’s Downey Jr. Not only did he ridicule the journalist, he punished her by refusing to answer her question. She would have little to report, and that’s exactly what she deserved.

It’s Audrina’s Birthday!

10 May

But more importantly, how does she look in a bikini? That’s the only question on Us Magazine‘s mind when celebrities age.

You’re almost 30, Audrina. And you know what happens after 30? Not BBQs, I tell you what.

Source: Us Magazine

Photo: Splash News

Lady Gaga Calls It

14 Apr

Wait, you mean she didn't use The Secret to lose weight?

A couple of years ago, when asked how she kept herself so slim, Lady Gaga responded, “I’m on a very strict healthy pop star diet. I don’t eat bread, just vegetables and salad and fish. Eating like that is much better for me anyway but on Sundays I sometimes eat pasta.” Months later, she allowed Harley Pasternak to come out of the closet as her personal trainer and dietician. And if you’ve been on Pasternak’s 5-Factor diet, as I have, you can attest to the fact that even though you’re eating 5 times a day, it often feels like you’re not eating at all. That said, it does exactly what it says on the tin.

Back then, it seemed people recognized the tongue-in-cheek humour behind the notion of a “pop star diet.” So it’s a little surprising that people got so offended by the following tweet:

Just killed back to back spin classes. Eating a salad dreaming of a cheeseburger #PopSingersDontEat #IWasBornThisWay

Us Magazine‘s Ariana Finlayson – who’s an expert at telling us when Ashley Judd’s face looks puffy (or Lara Flynn Boyle‘s, for that matter), when Vanessa Lachey eats something, or what Mark Wahlberg’s body looks like – used her journalistic superpowers to report on Lady Gaga’s outraged fans.

Though Ms. Finlayson said the singer’s tweet “could be taken as a pro-anorexic statement,” it bears mentioning that Lady Gaga acknowledges eating a salad. And though she’s dreaming of a cheeseburger (which is par for the course when you’re on any diet), her tweet seems more like a not-so-subtle, if ironic condemnation of the difficult standards celebrities – especially females – have to maintain.

Of course, Ms. Finlayson’s the one getting paid to write this shit. Me? I’m pro bono.

Source: Us Weekly

Writer: Ariana Finlayson

Photo: Interscope

Why People *Really* Watch DWTS

10 Apr

Those who do well on Dancing with the Stars aren’t the people who are light on their feet. They’re the ones whose weight loss we can document over the weeks of the competition. Think Kirstie Alley, Kelly Osbourne and Marie Osmond. That’s why we really tune in.

The Daily Mail is no different from anyone else. Or rather, they encourage everyone else to tune in for the weight loss. In this story, they report on contestant Katherine Jenkins’ drastic slim-down. She’s apparently lost about 15 lbs, even though she had a perfectly lovely shape to begin with.

Because the mezzo soprano is a sensible gal, she says she hopes not to lose more.

Source: Daily Mail

Writer: Emily Sheridan

Photos: Xposure Photos

Matthew Rutler Likes Big Boobs, And He Cannot Lie

10 Apr

By Hollywood standards, a man like Matthew Rutler deserves a golden shrine and a cult of followers. According to Us Magazine, Christina Aguilera’s boyfriend loves her, lock, stock and barrel.

“I love my body. My boyfriend loooooves my body. My son is healthy and happy, so that’s all that matters to me,” Lady Aguilera told Marie Claire magazine.

To remind us why this merits any mention at all, Us treats us to a whole slideshow on Aguilera’s body, from her itty-bitty teenage frame to her voluptuous adult figure. They tell us it’s her “Body Evolution,” but it might as well be called “From Skinny to Not in 13 Photos.”

Source: Us Magazine

Photos: Getty Images

Her Name Wasn’t Baby

9 Apr

Janet Jackson’s weight has been the subject of many tabloid headlines, for lack of the discovery of more bat-children. Right on cue, Just Jared is on the scene as Nutrisystem reveals Miz Jackson’s new body in their latest ad.

“This is what success looks like,” she tells us, the millions she made from her 10 albums having slipped her mind. At the end of his investigative 100-word piece, Jared asks us, “WHAT DO YOU THINK of Janet Jackson’s new body?”

Me? I liked the old one just fine.

 

Source: Just Jared

Video: Nutrisystem